You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
