i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
