my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
