who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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