I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
