he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize