just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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