I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
