So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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