as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
