So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize