No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize