For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You took a bar mat shot.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
