dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize