i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
