Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize