That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
