Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
