Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
