im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize