I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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