Where is the hickey?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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