she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
