If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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