Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
