my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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