I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
