I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
