i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
