I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
