you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
