Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
