Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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