Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
