i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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