I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
