My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Success! We fucked roommates!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
