so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize