nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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