Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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