sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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