So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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