Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
