just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She announced her abortion via fbk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
