you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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