He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize