oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
