can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
