so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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