May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
