At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
