Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I touched a dick in church today
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize