Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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