A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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