I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
