It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
