Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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