Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
