and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your penis caused this!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
