he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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