It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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