There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
