I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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