The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
