I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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