I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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