My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He passed out mid-signature
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
