We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize