I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
