A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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