So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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