Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
