Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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