i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
