he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
