Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize