Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
