My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
