doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
