I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
