4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
