he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
